Two Long Weeks!

The last two weeks have been difficult for me considering that my two favorite ladies were out of town. My wife and daughter went to see her family in Nebraska to spend some quality time on her parents farm. Not only did she take my beautiful daughter with her, she took my dog as well. Coming home at night from a long day at work was not the most fun thing to do during the time a part. I felt like a wealthy man with no friends and family, hand fulls of money and no one to spend it on. I would come home wanting to love on them and find no one there to receive my love.

One evening while sitting at home in an empty house, I had a breakthrough in my personal life concerning my own identity. For years I have battled with finding my own identity as a man. I have been obsessed more with proving that I am worthy of my fathers legacy than by finding out who I am and making that legacy greater. Although it is a very difficult task, we must look at who our fathers are, but not make there legacy the priority. At some point we have got to make a decision that the legacy's of our father's can't and won't control our identities as individuals. My father will always be a piece of who I am, but I can't allow him and his legacy be all I am.

Two weeks after dropping my girls off in Nebraska, I went and picked them up. I expected my 14 month old daughter to run to me at first sight, but something else occurred. Instead she calmly came over to me and wanted to show me everything she had been doing for the past few weeks. She took me outside, walked me over to the barn and showed me the new baby kittens that she had been watching over. As crazy as it may sound, I believe the reason she reacted this way is because she had no doubt that daddy was coming back to get her. She loves me to pieces and is a lot like me in many ways, but me being absent in her life for two weeks didn't change how she lived it. She was still the same adorable, playful, curious, and feisty girl without me. Wow, what an ending to a beautiful lesson from my Lord. We must learn to be ourselves and act accordingly despite the family legacy. Again, our father's will always be a piece of who we are, but we can't allow our father's and their legacy's be all we are.

...but I still love you

My wife, Tanya and I decided to sit back, relax and watch a movie this past weekend. After the long never ended saga of trying to pick out a movie that we both had a desire to see, we settled on the movie Definitely Maybe. In the movie, a father tries to explain to his young 11 year old daughter about his past which includes how he met her mother. One of the reasons this movie is worth watching is the interaction between the father and daughter and how that interaction allows her to begin to embrace her own identity.

I believe that much of a child’s identity stems from the relationship they have with their father (or lack there of). We as children are constantly battling to find our own identity while also trying to understand the legacy we have been born into. At one point in the movie the father gets up to get his daughter a cup of tea. When he reaches the door, his daughter stops him and says, "Dad…I can’t believe you smoked, and you drank, and was such a slut….but I still love you." When she said that, two things occurred to me. One of the things was that even though her dad had made mistakes (even ones that made her upset), she still loved him. The second was that she was able to say that because her father trusted her enough to show her the good and bad parts of the legacy she was born into.

I am someone that has struggled at times with my own identity, especially within the shadow of my father’s legacy. My father is one of my all time heroes that has accomplished more than most in a lifetime. He served over 20 years in the army as an Army Ranger. He also served in Special Forces and on the Joint Chief of staff with Colin Powell. A few years after retiring he started a ministry called A Chosen Generation. Even though those were all great accomplishments that I like hearing and talking about, the things that I cherish the most are the times we just sit and talk about the trials he faced and the mistakes he made and how he made it through. It is those times that my own identity looks within reach.

Because of the times my father gave me an honest glimpse at the legacy I am building upon, I am able to grasp my own identity and have the strength to build on the legacy he has started for me and my own children.

My dad gave me a the opportunity to say …but I still love you and because I know what it has done for me, I am looking forward to the day that I can tell my daughter about the legacy her grandfather and dad made; and ultimately give her the freedom to say, dad…I know you weren’t always the best…but I still love you.