...but I still love you

My wife, Tanya and I decided to sit back, relax and watch a movie this past weekend. After the long never ended saga of trying to pick out a movie that we both had a desire to see, we settled on the movie Definitely Maybe. In the movie, a father tries to explain to his young 11 year old daughter about his past which includes how he met her mother. One of the reasons this movie is worth watching is the interaction between the father and daughter and how that interaction allows her to begin to embrace her own identity.

I believe that much of a child’s identity stems from the relationship they have with their father (or lack there of). We as children are constantly battling to find our own identity while also trying to understand the legacy we have been born into. At one point in the movie the father gets up to get his daughter a cup of tea. When he reaches the door, his daughter stops him and says, "Dad…I can’t believe you smoked, and you drank, and was such a slut….but I still love you." When she said that, two things occurred to me. One of the things was that even though her dad had made mistakes (even ones that made her upset), she still loved him. The second was that she was able to say that because her father trusted her enough to show her the good and bad parts of the legacy she was born into.

I am someone that has struggled at times with my own identity, especially within the shadow of my father’s legacy. My father is one of my all time heroes that has accomplished more than most in a lifetime. He served over 20 years in the army as an Army Ranger. He also served in Special Forces and on the Joint Chief of staff with Colin Powell. A few years after retiring he started a ministry called A Chosen Generation. Even though those were all great accomplishments that I like hearing and talking about, the things that I cherish the most are the times we just sit and talk about the trials he faced and the mistakes he made and how he made it through. It is those times that my own identity looks within reach.

Because of the times my father gave me an honest glimpse at the legacy I am building upon, I am able to grasp my own identity and have the strength to build on the legacy he has started for me and my own children.

My dad gave me a the opportunity to say …but I still love you and because I know what it has done for me, I am looking forward to the day that I can tell my daughter about the legacy her grandfather and dad made; and ultimately give her the freedom to say, dad…I know you weren’t always the best…but I still love you.